You Always Hurt the One You Love

(Repost...orginally written & posted on Myspace on or about January 5, 2007)

You always hurt the one you love...
Current mood: confused

My husband, is NOT a morning person. I learned this pretty early on in our marriage. However, he was not always the person I find myself waking up with lately. During the time that we were dating, I will say, he had me fooled.He would call me each morning, bright and early, to make sure I was up, getting ready for work, tell me good morning and that he loved me. His voice was sweet and tender and he always knew just what to say. Usually his was the first voice I heard in the morning, even before my own. Being a single mom at the time, sometimes Julz would beat him to it, but not often. This practice started pretty early on in our relationship, stemming from our late night talks and early work shifts. I soon began to do in kind and at times we would race each other to see who could be the first to make the call. Sometimes one would pick up the phone to dial, only to find the other had called and the phone hadn't even had time to ring. We'd laugh and then neither would want to be the first to hang up. The romance of it all was enough to put my diabetes into high gear.

Well, as you would expect, once the shine had worn off our wedding rings, we went back to being normal, sane, selfish, grouchy morning people.

A typical work-day morning at our house, now starts with everyone hitting "snooze" and trying to catch those few last precious Z's before being forced to head out to work or school. The annoying buzzing all over the house begins about 5:40a.m. That gives each snoozer about two more "snoozes." However, if we are not on our feet at 6:00 a.m. sharp, we are officially LATE.

I don't know how it started, but somehow, everyone's inability to rise in a timely manner has come to be my personal responsibility. (Keep in mind, I am dealing with a grown adult male, an 18 year old with her own job, a 13 year old son and an 11 year old who wants to be 18.) Each time someone in our household is late, it is deemed my fault, regardless of the actual circumstances.

Case in point, not long ago, I was home on a much deserved vacation day, only to be blamed for everyone else oversleeping. Because I did not have to go to work, I did not feel the need to get up at 5:45a.m. that particular morning. Everyone knew that I was off prior to going to bed, but still expected me to bang on their door and make sure they were up and moving. Imagine that.

This being said, I have made it my personal mission to ensure that if anyone is going to be late or otherwise inconvenienced in any way in the morning, it will be me. Hey, what can I say, every other mom in America is doing the same thing. What we do for love.

While Tigger and Kit-Kat can shower the night before and rise fresh each morning, Darling Hubby, Julz, and I must have that morning shower to help us wake up, before we have access to caffeine. Trying to get three adults showered in the space of an hour is quite a challenge. Since he has to be at work at 7:00am, D/H, of course, gets to go first. His typical shower lasts about 25 minutes, of which the first 15 minutes are just standing, and a fart or two.

I usually use this time to make sure the kids are moving then I lay back down and try to catch a few Z's of my own. I then have to wait at least 10 minutes for the hot water to build back up, with Julia hot on my heels soon after. From time to time, I actually get up with the alarm clock and get to enjoy a hot, leisurely shower prior to 5:30, but somehow, that always seem to inconvenience the others, so it is rare that I try it.

There are no precedents in my house either. One morning D/H may be up and in the bathroom by 5:45, sometimes at 5:59, but he is ALWAYS in the shower at 6:00 or he is LATE. As was the case just yesterday, but a nasty traffic snarl on I-20 helped with his excuse. The kids are still out on holiday break, so not having them underfoot has helped as well.

So on this morning, when my husband, whom I love, was still snoozing a few minutes after 6:00, needless to say, it sent a panic through me. I jumped up and asked "Are you going to work today?" This was met with the usual, grunt I have come to know as his morning voice, and he started moving toward the bathroom.

This Christmas, at a family gift-swap, we recieved an I-Sing shower radio with digital clock. D/H put it in our shower sometime last week. If anyone else has one of these, I hope yours is better than ours, as the sound quality in our four-by-four fiberglass shower stall leaves much to be desired. From the bedroom it sounds as if someone is bathing one of the cats.

I have endured this noise during my snooze time for the past week and this morning, when the door opened prior to the mirror-wiping and hair-drying, I chose to address it. Big Mistake. My darling husband promptly slammed the door and finished his morning grooming ritual in the sauna-like environment he'd just created.

When he emerged a short time later, and headed for the kitchen, I followed him."What is the matter?" I asked,. "Why do you always start in the morning?" he shot back, "you're always criticizing!" "What did I do?!" I asked again, somewhat befuddled. "You're pissing me off, that's what," throwing up his hands, " and if you keep on, it's going to wake the kids."When I pressed for more details of my heinous actions, he cut me off mid-sentence. Knowing the limit before the "yell-o-meter" goes off, I retreated to the bedroom, on the verge of tears. He was gone before I got out of the shower.

I've mulled it over all day. Like the little things that we do for each other that we take for granted. For example: he always makes sure my cell phone is charged; I buy him Dt. Mountain Dews and stash them so the kids don't find them. I am really thankful for those little things, but I don't think I've told him lately. I don't think he realized that I wasn't trying to be difficult this morning. I was just trying to take care of him, and make some conversation.

Whoever said "you always hurt the ones you love" was right.

Maybe tomorrow I will wake him with "I love you" like the old days instead..