Hello, my name is Joy and I'm a Carboholic...
November and December are the hardest months of the year for me. Most people call it "the holiday season" but I call it the "carb-a-day season." Between the football playoff parties and the holiday food, my expanding waistline doesn't stand a chance.
While I enjoy all holiday food, cornbread dressing with cream-of-chicken soup gravy is by far my favorite (followed closely by creamed potatoes and brown gravy). My mother makes the most amazing cornbread dressing, a skill learned from my grandmother Clara. It is always moist and seasoned to perfection. I can't do it (though I've never given it much effort either) and my mother knows this. She always makes an extra pan so that I have one to carry home to enjoy later.
Unfortunately, now that I am diabetic, upsetting my delicate carb/protein balance results in an ailment my family and friends have jokingly begun referring to as a "carb coma." It's true..an extra spoonful of potatoes knocks me out within 30 minutes of consumption. I am usually out for about 2 hours, afterwhich I awake with a blinding headache, an a hankering for more carbs. The fact that I get to eat each holiday meal at least 3 times means I am pretty much in a carb coma from late November to the first of the new year.
If Auburn continues to play like they have been, I may need an extra pan of dressing this year.
You would think that I would know better, and keep my protein in check, but I can't help myself. The carbs call to me and I must consume them. I know how alcoholics must feel, yearning for that next drink.
Is there such a thing as Carboholics Annonymous??
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I gotta love my girl Angela! Leave it to her to have some extra fun in blogdom.
I've been tagged. I'm about a month late, but here it is. I, unfortunately, have the same I don't have anyone else to tag, but I will answer the questions just the same.
Here are the rules:
Post rules on your blog.
Answer the six "8" items.
Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving them a comment.
8 Favorite TV Shows:
Holy Crap...can I come up with 8? Okay, no particular order here
1)Law & Order (All of them)
2)The Biggest Loser ( I find myself cheering during the weigh ins)
3)America's Next Top Model (I don't know why...but somehow I'm hooked)
4)Wife Swap (corny yeah I know, but it is nice to see how weird other folks are)
5) Desperate Housewives
6) Stylista (follows ANTM...that's how I got hooked on it)
7) Grey's Anatomy
8) ER
8 Things I did yesterday:
1) showered
2) worked
3) went on an errand with Vicky
4) worked some more
5) drove to the Dollar Tree
6) ate
7) watched Law & Order SVU
8) went to sleep
(boring life huh?)
8 Things I look forward to:
1) Dressing at our Thanksgiving meal at the in-laws
2) Dressing at our Thanksgiving meal at my Mother's
3) Dressing from our Thanksgiving left-overs
4) The Iron Bowl (anyone interested in hosting a party?)
5) Dressing at our Christmas meal at the in-laws
6) Dressing at our Christmas meal at Mothers
7) Dressing balls wrapped in bacon at my Dad's
8) Dressing from our Christmas left-overs
(yes...I love it that much)
8 Favorite Restaurants:
(technically, anywhere I don't have to cook qualifies as a favorite, but here are 8 that I frequent)
1) Olive Garden
2) El Cazador Mexican in Leeds
3) Arby's
4) Waffle House
5) Krystal's
6) Cracker Barrel
7) Chili's
8) Does Dominoes count?
8 Things on my wish list:
1) Dressing
2) for my family to be healthy, & happy
3) for my husband's car to be repaired
4) Dressing
5) For Auburn to win #7
6) for my blog to be picked up for weekly publication (hey..I can dream, right?)
7) for an annonymous benefactor to pay off my car and my house
8) Dressing
8 people I'm tagging:
(...like I said...no one to tag...)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm really looking forward to the holidays..
Let the madness begin!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
C'est La Vie!
C'est La Vie! That's French for "That's Life"
...it's also the title of an 80's song but I'd rather not go down that rabbit trail today.
I've recently had a message from an aquaintance whining about their life and that put me in this mind set.
Bad things happen to good people...all the time. Fact of Life. You can wallow in it or you can change it. The only way to move past something is to get over it. As my friend Georgia says, "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it."
Last night, when we went to start the never-ending laundry process, we discovered our dryer had died. Luckily, there is a laundrymat at the crossroads and we have folks nearby that will let us use theirs when we run out of quarters.
Because I was already in this mindset, I began to think of all the crappy things that have happened to us this year. Let's revisit it shall we?
January: I have an episode that lands me in the ER being checked for a stroke.
February...Darling Hubby's car died. That means we now have to car pool. Oh goody.
March: Actually, I think March was a pretty good month
April: The garage door falls apart and my car starts acting up. We would get to were we were going and then it wouldn't start back up. No lights, no annoying dinging sound, nothing. After sitting for an average of an hour, then it would fire right up like nothing ever happened. We did buy a new battery (and later found out we didn't really need it)
May: We find out neither of the kids are going to pass, too late for anything to be done (don't ask, I still don't want to talk about it.)
June: we finally scrape together the money for the compressor to fix D/H's car, only to find, that's not the problem....great...
July: Darling Hubby is hospitalized and spends 4 days in ICU with what they think is his third bleeding ulcer.
August: School starts.Two kids in Jr High is expensive, especially when the school requires we buy the "official" gym uniform, and insists that no students can carry their books about so you have to rent a locker, but won't rent you a locker until you pay a "donation." I know I've been out of school 23 years, but when did the definition of a "donation change? (Donation: an offering or gift...Webster's New College Dictionary...not to be confused with Fee: a fixed fee or charge for professional services...also Webster's)
September: My car finally dies. Turns out it's a $300 part that took all of five minutes to fix. Then the microwave and both hair dryers die simultaneously. Great now not only do I have to actually cook, I'm gonna look like Rosanna Rosanna-Danna doing it.
October rolls around and I have a blowout right off the bat, that results in having to buy a new tire.
And that brings us to today, where I have clothes strung thru the kids bathroom air drying because the dryer is dead.
The best part is, we have 2 months left in this year...Whoopie!
Oh Well, if it weren't my problems, it'd be someone elses
C'est La Vie!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
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I often get responses to my blogs, but never before have I had one so obvious as this week's response from the Lord. Yes, you read that right. Our Heavenly Father has sent me a message regarding this blog.
I know what you are thinking. Even my Christian brethren seem skeptical, but I'm not crazy. I am just open minded. When the Lord decides to send me a message, it is glaringly obvious, and usually comes to me in such a way that there is no way to deny it has come from Him.
Ask those closest to me, who have witnessed these messages first hand.
I subscribe to several motivational emails, one of which is a daily devotional and weekly motivational message from televangalist Joel Osteen.
I made the above post on Thursday evening.
On Friday morning, I had this message in my inbox from Joel Osteen.
Living a No Excuses Life
http://www.joelosteen.com/
"We all have things we feel could be a disadvantage, things that make it harder on us. It may not be something physical, it may be the way we were raised, a disappointment we went through, a setback. But just because you have a “disadvantage”, just because you’ve been through a tough time, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to sit back and settle where you are. God still has something great for you to do. You may not look like everyone else and be able to do what others can do, but if you will stay in faith and not get negative toward yourself and toward your future, then what you think is a liability, God will turn around to be an asset. What you think is a disadvantage, God will turn around to be an advantage.
Too many people are waiting for God to remove everything and make them perfect before they pursue their dreams and go after their destiny. No, you need to go after your destiny right now and make the decision to live a no-excuse life. Honor God with what you have. God knew all the issues we would have to face, our struggles, our weaknesses, our inadequacies. We are no surprise to God. And many times what you think is a handicap is the very thing God will use to get you into your divine destiny. He’ll take every stumbling block and turn it into a stepping stone!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now tell me that's not a direct message from the Lord to me!
So despite the fact that we discovered this morning that our heating unit needs repair, I know that I need to maintain my faith in the Lord.
He uses all things to His Glory.
...it's also the title of an 80's song but I'd rather not go down that rabbit trail today.
I've recently had a message from an aquaintance whining about their life and that put me in this mind set.
Bad things happen to good people...all the time. Fact of Life. You can wallow in it or you can change it. The only way to move past something is to get over it. As my friend Georgia says, "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it."
Last night, when we went to start the never-ending laundry process, we discovered our dryer had died. Luckily, there is a laundrymat at the crossroads and we have folks nearby that will let us use theirs when we run out of quarters.
Because I was already in this mindset, I began to think of all the crappy things that have happened to us this year. Let's revisit it shall we?
January: I have an episode that lands me in the ER being checked for a stroke.
February...Darling Hubby's car died. That means we now have to car pool. Oh goody.
March: Actually, I think March was a pretty good month
April: The garage door falls apart and my car starts acting up. We would get to were we were going and then it wouldn't start back up. No lights, no annoying dinging sound, nothing. After sitting for an average of an hour, then it would fire right up like nothing ever happened. We did buy a new battery (and later found out we didn't really need it)
May: We find out neither of the kids are going to pass, too late for anything to be done (don't ask, I still don't want to talk about it.)
June: we finally scrape together the money for the compressor to fix D/H's car, only to find, that's not the problem....great...
July: Darling Hubby is hospitalized and spends 4 days in ICU with what they think is his third bleeding ulcer.
August: School starts.Two kids in Jr High is expensive, especially when the school requires we buy the "official" gym uniform, and insists that no students can carry their books about so you have to rent a locker, but won't rent you a locker until you pay a "donation." I know I've been out of school 23 years, but when did the definition of a "donation change? (Donation: an offering or gift...Webster's New College Dictionary...not to be confused with Fee: a fixed fee or charge for professional services...also Webster's)
September: My car finally dies. Turns out it's a $300 part that took all of five minutes to fix. Then the microwave and both hair dryers die simultaneously. Great now not only do I have to actually cook, I'm gonna look like Rosanna Rosanna-Danna doing it.
October rolls around and I have a blowout right off the bat, that results in having to buy a new tire.
And that brings us to today, where I have clothes strung thru the kids bathroom air drying because the dryer is dead.
The best part is, we have 2 months left in this year...Whoopie!
Oh Well, if it weren't my problems, it'd be someone elses
C'est La Vie!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I often get responses to my blogs, but never before have I had one so obvious as this week's response from the Lord. Yes, you read that right. Our Heavenly Father has sent me a message regarding this blog.
I know what you are thinking. Even my Christian brethren seem skeptical, but I'm not crazy. I am just open minded. When the Lord decides to send me a message, it is glaringly obvious, and usually comes to me in such a way that there is no way to deny it has come from Him.
Ask those closest to me, who have witnessed these messages first hand.
I subscribe to several motivational emails, one of which is a daily devotional and weekly motivational message from televangalist Joel Osteen.
I made the above post on Thursday evening.
On Friday morning, I had this message in my inbox from Joel Osteen.
Living a No Excuses Life
http://www.joelosteen.com/
"We all have things we feel could be a disadvantage, things that make it harder on us. It may not be something physical, it may be the way we were raised, a disappointment we went through, a setback. But just because you have a “disadvantage”, just because you’ve been through a tough time, doesn’t mean you’re supposed to sit back and settle where you are. God still has something great for you to do. You may not look like everyone else and be able to do what others can do, but if you will stay in faith and not get negative toward yourself and toward your future, then what you think is a liability, God will turn around to be an asset. What you think is a disadvantage, God will turn around to be an advantage.
Too many people are waiting for God to remove everything and make them perfect before they pursue their dreams and go after their destiny. No, you need to go after your destiny right now and make the decision to live a no-excuse life. Honor God with what you have. God knew all the issues we would have to face, our struggles, our weaknesses, our inadequacies. We are no surprise to God. And many times what you think is a handicap is the very thing God will use to get you into your divine destiny. He’ll take every stumbling block and turn it into a stepping stone!"--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now tell me that's not a direct message from the Lord to me!
So despite the fact that we discovered this morning that our heating unit needs repair, I know that I need to maintain my faith in the Lord.
He uses all things to His Glory.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
October: A month to celebrate
Who knew October was such a festive month?! This month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month but also contains Oktoberfest (celebrated in my little town on Oct 25) National Customer Service Appreciation Week (this year October 6-10), Yom Kippur begins at sundown tonite, Columbus Day ( Oct 13) National Bosses Day (Oct 16) and of course Halloween.
This year's Oktoberfest coincides with my grandmother's birthday. Yes, the same grandmother who always comments on my weight. While I was overweight, she would have something to say about everything I put in my mouth. After I lost 45 pounds she'd bake me a cake or a pie everyday and tell me it would hurt her feelings if I didn't eat them. Go figure.
I will definately be seeing her early in the day so that I may enjoy all "the fruits" that Oktoberfest has to offer.
We are now over the hump in Customer Service Appreciation Week.
http://www.csweek.com/customer_service_week_proclamation.php
We've had great food and fun little activities and some nifty little gifts. All of our field representatives have told us how much they appreciate us and everyone has been really nice. Everyone, except, of course, our customers, who could care less.
But the main reason for my post today is to tell a little story that I posted earlier in the year. It is about my own close call with Breast Cancer and the courageous fight of 21 year old Catherine Carswell.
Repost:
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Reflections on the Past
I've recently become "aquainted" (thru a blog) with the daughter of a man I've worked with for the past 17 years. Her name is Catherine. She's a 21 year old Senior in college, has a great boyfriend (hopefully soon to be engaged) and is also looking over the edge, at a whole new life. You know the one, where you finish, school, start your career, marry the man of your dreams and start a family. Traveling down the road of life, as it stretches out before her.
But she's hit a little speed bump....she has breast cancer.
I know what you are thinking..."Breast cancer...are you serious? She's only 21! Breast cancer only strikes women in their 40's!" Yeah, that's what your insurance company would like to think too, That is why they only "approve" mamograms for women over 40.
The fact is, anyone with breast tissue (even men!) can develop breast cancer, at any age.And Catherine is working to spread that message.
Read about her here:
http://catherinecarswell.blogspot.com/2008/03/info.html
http://www.gacancer.com/news/news-detailed.php?NewsID=10
I remember when I, myself, was 18 and I found my first lump. It was about the size of a "mojo" marble (telling my age huh?) in my right breast. It hurt like hell and made my whole right side sore. I remember calling for the appointment and the nurse telling me, "Oh, lumpy breasts are common in girls your age, it'll be nothing." and booked my appointment for a month out.
I related this to a dear friend and her mother, content that I had nothing to worry about, because, I was "too young for it to be anything serious." The look that passed between them when I said this could have frozen the Gulf of Mexico. Her mother, usually chatty and upbeat, took my hands in hers and pulled me up close to her. She fixed her eyes on mine, and in a voice I will never forget, said " there is no such thing as 'too young'."
Fighting back tears, she recounted how, just a year before, she had lost her baby sister. My friend and I had been casual friends when it happened. I knew that she had died, but didn't really know the details, and never really thought to ask. She told me about the lump her sister had found, how the doctor told her it was just "lumpy breasts" and at her age it was nothing to worry about. By the time it became "something to w0rry about, " little could be done. She died of breast cancer at 22.
My mother called and successfully convinced the doctor's office to move my appointment up.
The next opening was 2 weeks away. In that 2 weeks, my little "friend" had grown to the size of a golf ball. It hurt to wear a bra, it hurt to go without one. The humiliation began almost immediately. I'd never been to an OB/GYN before and the thought of being naked in front of this strange man was almost too much to bear. The breast exam was painful. When I touched the lump, I did so gingerly, but he did not as he tried to determine size, depth, composition. I nearly came unglued when the doctor suggested he attempt to draw fluid off it to see if it was a cyst. It was solid and unyeilding and the whole process hurt like hell. They took me across the hall to where the pregnant women got their sonograms, to get a look at it. There were were joined by an intern class of about 6. Each one wanted to feel my lump too.
Fabulous.
It was determined that not only did I have this lump, I had 2 more on the other side. Not quite as big, but noticable. Attempts to obtain a fluid sample from them were also unsuccessful. It was decided that they all had to come out. Surgery was scheduled for the next week, which was approximately 2 days after Christmas.
I was put to sleep that day, not knowing if I would have breasts when I woke up. I was exactly 6 months from my 19th birthday.
I praise the Lord here! Things went well.
The lumps turned out to be fibrocystic, which is why they grew so quickly...relatively common. I was told that I had one more small lump, just at the base of my breast. It seemed to be the same as the others and was left to avoid damaging the tissue surrounding it. I went home to recover and prepare for the New Year.
It was then that the bills started coming in. The bill for the mamography...DENIED by our insurance carrier....marked "medically unnecessary before age 40." How can something that is ordered by your doctor be called "medically unnecessary'?! My mother, single by this time, wrote letter after letter, copying and highlighting pages of doctor's notes but the insurance company would not budge. We wound up paying for that mamogram out of pocket.
Because of the condition, my doctor ordered a mamogram every 2 years since and every 2 years, I wound up paying out of pocket.
I did eventually get that last lump removed. It grew to the size of a baseball. I had to have a breast reduction to "even things out."
Funny...insurance didn't have a problem paying for that.
I am now finally 40, the age when my insurance company thinks I should be worried about breast cancer.
And I am....for the young girls like Catherine.
This year's Oktoberfest coincides with my grandmother's birthday. Yes, the same grandmother who always comments on my weight. While I was overweight, she would have something to say about everything I put in my mouth. After I lost 45 pounds she'd bake me a cake or a pie everyday and tell me it would hurt her feelings if I didn't eat them. Go figure.
I will definately be seeing her early in the day so that I may enjoy all "the fruits" that Oktoberfest has to offer.
We are now over the hump in Customer Service Appreciation Week.
http://www.csweek.com/customer_service_week_proclamation.php
We've had great food and fun little activities and some nifty little gifts. All of our field representatives have told us how much they appreciate us and everyone has been really nice. Everyone, except, of course, our customers, who could care less.
But the main reason for my post today is to tell a little story that I posted earlier in the year. It is about my own close call with Breast Cancer and the courageous fight of 21 year old Catherine Carswell.
Repost:
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Reflections on the Past
I've recently become "aquainted" (thru a blog) with the daughter of a man I've worked with for the past 17 years. Her name is Catherine. She's a 21 year old Senior in college, has a great boyfriend (hopefully soon to be engaged) and is also looking over the edge, at a whole new life. You know the one, where you finish, school, start your career, marry the man of your dreams and start a family. Traveling down the road of life, as it stretches out before her.
But she's hit a little speed bump....she has breast cancer.
I know what you are thinking..."Breast cancer...are you serious? She's only 21! Breast cancer only strikes women in their 40's!" Yeah, that's what your insurance company would like to think too, That is why they only "approve" mamograms for women over 40.
The fact is, anyone with breast tissue (even men!) can develop breast cancer, at any age.And Catherine is working to spread that message.
Read about her here:
http://catherinecarswell.blogspot.com/2008/03/info.html
http://www.gacancer.com/news/news-detailed.php?NewsID=10
I remember when I, myself, was 18 and I found my first lump. It was about the size of a "mojo" marble (telling my age huh?) in my right breast. It hurt like hell and made my whole right side sore. I remember calling for the appointment and the nurse telling me, "Oh, lumpy breasts are common in girls your age, it'll be nothing." and booked my appointment for a month out.
I related this to a dear friend and her mother, content that I had nothing to worry about, because, I was "too young for it to be anything serious." The look that passed between them when I said this could have frozen the Gulf of Mexico. Her mother, usually chatty and upbeat, took my hands in hers and pulled me up close to her. She fixed her eyes on mine, and in a voice I will never forget, said " there is no such thing as 'too young'."
Fighting back tears, she recounted how, just a year before, she had lost her baby sister. My friend and I had been casual friends when it happened. I knew that she had died, but didn't really know the details, and never really thought to ask. She told me about the lump her sister had found, how the doctor told her it was just "lumpy breasts" and at her age it was nothing to worry about. By the time it became "something to w0rry about, " little could be done. She died of breast cancer at 22.
My mother called and successfully convinced the doctor's office to move my appointment up.
The next opening was 2 weeks away. In that 2 weeks, my little "friend" had grown to the size of a golf ball. It hurt to wear a bra, it hurt to go without one. The humiliation began almost immediately. I'd never been to an OB/GYN before and the thought of being naked in front of this strange man was almost too much to bear. The breast exam was painful. When I touched the lump, I did so gingerly, but he did not as he tried to determine size, depth, composition. I nearly came unglued when the doctor suggested he attempt to draw fluid off it to see if it was a cyst. It was solid and unyeilding and the whole process hurt like hell. They took me across the hall to where the pregnant women got their sonograms, to get a look at it. There were were joined by an intern class of about 6. Each one wanted to feel my lump too.
Fabulous.
It was determined that not only did I have this lump, I had 2 more on the other side. Not quite as big, but noticable. Attempts to obtain a fluid sample from them were also unsuccessful. It was decided that they all had to come out. Surgery was scheduled for the next week, which was approximately 2 days after Christmas.
I was put to sleep that day, not knowing if I would have breasts when I woke up. I was exactly 6 months from my 19th birthday.
I praise the Lord here! Things went well.
The lumps turned out to be fibrocystic, which is why they grew so quickly...relatively common. I was told that I had one more small lump, just at the base of my breast. It seemed to be the same as the others and was left to avoid damaging the tissue surrounding it. I went home to recover and prepare for the New Year.
It was then that the bills started coming in. The bill for the mamography...DENIED by our insurance carrier....marked "medically unnecessary before age 40." How can something that is ordered by your doctor be called "medically unnecessary'?! My mother, single by this time, wrote letter after letter, copying and highlighting pages of doctor's notes but the insurance company would not budge. We wound up paying for that mamogram out of pocket.
Because of the condition, my doctor ordered a mamogram every 2 years since and every 2 years, I wound up paying out of pocket.
I did eventually get that last lump removed. It grew to the size of a baseball. I had to have a breast reduction to "even things out."
Funny...insurance didn't have a problem paying for that.
I am now finally 40, the age when my insurance company thinks I should be worried about breast cancer.
And I am....for the young girls like Catherine.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Have You Forgotten (Repost)
As we approach Patriot Day, I decided to repost this story from 9/11.
It is said that if you don't pass on history, it will be forgotten
This is something that we should never forget.
I am posting it early this year, to give everyone time to prepare for this important day of remembrance.
~Joy
Repost from September 11.2007
It's September 11th. Patriot Day.
I'm wearing my yellow ribbon and my American Flag pin. I haven't really seen anyone else commemorating the day.
I wonder if everyone's else has forgotten.
I know I won't. Every year the emotion is nearly as fresh and raw as it was watching the non-stop news footage.
And every year, I think of 5 cases of coffee.
I cry when I tell it because the emotions bubble back up, so you are at an advantage reading it, though I am about to cry just typing it.
Krispy Kreme was once a customer of my company and every now and again the buyer would request a few cases of coffee be sent directly to a store.
On September 10, 2001 they requested that I send five cases of coffee to the Krispy Kreme store on the basement level of WTC. I am told this is where the food court was. They had requested Next Day Air, Early A.M. delivery, which is to be delivered by 8:00 a.m.
It stood out to me because the address was simply :
Krispy Kreme
Basement
WTC, NY and the zip code.
I thought "Well how cool is that?"
The next morning, as news began to spread of the attack, I immediately thought of those five boxes of coffee and the unsuspecting UPS driver I'd sent to his death.
I prayed for a lot of people that day, but I prayed especially for him.
Over the next several days, I began to think about him quite a bit. Was he married, did he have children, what kind of person would he have been....? Because I would never really know his fate, it started to be too much for me. Every time I saw footage of the dust & debris, I imagined a UPS truck buried beneath it. Though it may sound strange, I felt really guilty, like somehow I was responsible. I cried uncontrollably, nearly daily, over this person I'd never met.
Two weeks went by. My best friend told me that I was going to give it to God and let it go. So I finally prayed that God would give me some peace over it and release me from this guilt I was feeling. I prayed once more for him and his family and "laid it down."
The very next day, our local UPS driver returned the five boxes of Krispy Kreme coffee stamped "UNDELIVERABLE." They looked as good as the day I sent them out and I took their pristine condition as my sign from God that the driver I prayed so diligently over, was okay too.
I know, when I tell this story to my grandchildren some day, I will fight back a tear even then.
I know that, as a nation, to some extent, we should "move on." But I was raised that the first part of getting where you are going, is knowing where you've been.
Never Forget
(dedicated to those who unsuspectingly gave their lives Sept 11, 2001, the people who knew & loved them, and all our military hereos keeping us safe ever since.)
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Showers: When it rains it pours
Okay...I had to share this column I found on shower gift registries!
I recently had a similar situation and wondered how I should handle it. Glad to see that I am not alone.
Dear Prudence,I was recently invited to a friend's wedding. Enclosed with the invitation was a slip of paper listing the stores where the couple is registered along with the message: "Please include a gift receipt." Am I right to find this message a bit rude? I feel like my friend is announcing, "We have picked out exactly what we want you to buy but still think you'll screw up the job, so we want to make sure it's returnable." Or maybe they already know that they don't want the crap they registered for and are just looking for a way to get cash? Frankly, I'd rather skip the middle man (and the shipping fees) if they don't trust me enough to buy what they have already indicated they want. Am I out of line? (And isn't there a better way for them to ask for cash if that's what they need most?)
—Presumptively Incompetent Giver
Dear Presumptively,I always enjoy hearing about the ever-escalating ways engaged couples seek to chisel the goods out of their friends and loved ones. The innovation here is that the couple clearly doesn't want the stuff they've designated, but they feel they're too classy to come right out and say, "Just give us cash."
Here's a tip for engaged couples: The invitation should announce the where and when of the wedding and say nothing about the "What I want."
For that, you wait until your guests start inquiring, and then, as Peggy Post (heir to Emily's mantle) advises, you graciously say anything they feel like getting you would be delightful and that you've also registered at Crate and Barrel if they want some guidance. If what you want is cash, Ms. Post advises saying you're saving for a big purchase and a check would be most appreciated. (Miss Manners demurs that there is no polite way to say, "Show me the money.") What couples like your friends don't realize is that people who care about them actually enjoy the act of getting them something meaningful to mark the occasion of their starting their lives together. But these couples are killing that pleasure by acting as if they are collection agencies calling in their friends' debts. So, sure, go ahead and write this couple a check—maybe they'll even surprise you and send a thank-you note.
—PrudieThank goodness!! The voice of reason...and confirmation from The Emily Post Institute to boot! (http://www.emilypost.com/ )
I have long been a fan of Emily Post and own a rather large volume of her book of etiquette. Because of this, various friends and family members ofetn call me and ask "hey...what does Emily say on this" Like the Bible...Emily's advice is timeless.
Over the years I have been shocked by the greediness of soon-to-wed couples. Some have multiple showers, teas, parties, etc...in order to glean as many gifts as possible, and believe it is okay to do so. I've even seen young brides register for some really off-the-wall items such as a flat-screen tv and his & hers IPod Nanos! Where does this sense of entitlement come from?!
Being raised by a proper Southern woman, I was taught that for special occasions ( weddings, births, graduations, birthdays, etc..) you invite others to share your joy. If they CHOOSE to also bring you a gift, that was entirely up to them. It should NOT be expected.
A tea or a shower is to give a bride going from her parents home to her marital home the basics to set up a household (okay...that was back in the day, but you see my point.) A gift registry was used for "suggestion." While it does take the hassle out of "what do I get them?" gifts for the happy couple should not be limited to that list, and they should not expect to get everything they ask for either. A flat-screen and an IPod Nano are not necessary to set up household.
Just because someone ( or several someones) want to throw you a shower or tea, does not mean you can't say NO and suggest they pool their resources. I would think that the potential hostesses would be relieved! And you do not invite someone to a party that would not be invited to the wedding. That is saying "You are good enough to give us stuff, but not good enough to watch us get married."
My mother had recently called me (to consult "Emily") regarding a situation in our extended family where the mother of the bride wanted each sister to throw a specific shower and was calling about to set her plan in motion. I was mortified! It is one thing for the young bride (or her friends) to not know any better, but this mother is "of sufficient age" to have taken etiquette and elocution in school. I wonder if her desire for her daughter to have a good, strong marriage is as strong as her desire for her to get presents.
The only saving grace to this scenaio is that the sisters have divided the master guest list between them so that everyone gets invited to one event rather than everyone getting invited to all (another common faux pas).
My daughter is now of the age that she and her beau are discussing the possibility of marriage. Having been out on her own for over a year now, she pretty much has everything she needs for a household (thus nullifying the need for a shower, in the traditonal sense) however, because of the generous nature of her friends, I am certain that they will be amply fetted.
I plan to caution her to think carefully about her choices and her guests.
Perhaps my first gift to her will be a new copy of Emily Post!
I recently had a similar situation and wondered how I should handle it. Glad to see that I am not alone.
Dear Prudence,I was recently invited to a friend's wedding. Enclosed with the invitation was a slip of paper listing the stores where the couple is registered along with the message: "Please include a gift receipt." Am I right to find this message a bit rude? I feel like my friend is announcing, "We have picked out exactly what we want you to buy but still think you'll screw up the job, so we want to make sure it's returnable." Or maybe they already know that they don't want the crap they registered for and are just looking for a way to get cash? Frankly, I'd rather skip the middle man (and the shipping fees) if they don't trust me enough to buy what they have already indicated they want. Am I out of line? (And isn't there a better way for them to ask for cash if that's what they need most?)
—Presumptively Incompetent Giver
Dear Presumptively,I always enjoy hearing about the ever-escalating ways engaged couples seek to chisel the goods out of their friends and loved ones. The innovation here is that the couple clearly doesn't want the stuff they've designated, but they feel they're too classy to come right out and say, "Just give us cash."
Here's a tip for engaged couples: The invitation should announce the where and when of the wedding and say nothing about the "What I want."
For that, you wait until your guests start inquiring, and then, as Peggy Post (heir to Emily's mantle) advises, you graciously say anything they feel like getting you would be delightful and that you've also registered at Crate and Barrel if they want some guidance. If what you want is cash, Ms. Post advises saying you're saving for a big purchase and a check would be most appreciated. (Miss Manners demurs that there is no polite way to say, "Show me the money.") What couples like your friends don't realize is that people who care about them actually enjoy the act of getting them something meaningful to mark the occasion of their starting their lives together. But these couples are killing that pleasure by acting as if they are collection agencies calling in their friends' debts. So, sure, go ahead and write this couple a check—maybe they'll even surprise you and send a thank-you note.
—PrudieThank goodness!! The voice of reason...and confirmation from The Emily Post Institute to boot! (http://www.emilypost.com/ )
I have long been a fan of Emily Post and own a rather large volume of her book of etiquette. Because of this, various friends and family members ofetn call me and ask "hey...what does Emily say on this" Like the Bible...Emily's advice is timeless.
Over the years I have been shocked by the greediness of soon-to-wed couples. Some have multiple showers, teas, parties, etc...in order to glean as many gifts as possible, and believe it is okay to do so. I've even seen young brides register for some really off-the-wall items such as a flat-screen tv and his & hers IPod Nanos! Where does this sense of entitlement come from?!
Being raised by a proper Southern woman, I was taught that for special occasions ( weddings, births, graduations, birthdays, etc..) you invite others to share your joy. If they CHOOSE to also bring you a gift, that was entirely up to them. It should NOT be expected.
A tea or a shower is to give a bride going from her parents home to her marital home the basics to set up a household (okay...that was back in the day, but you see my point.) A gift registry was used for "suggestion." While it does take the hassle out of "what do I get them?" gifts for the happy couple should not be limited to that list, and they should not expect to get everything they ask for either. A flat-screen and an IPod Nano are not necessary to set up household.
Just because someone ( or several someones) want to throw you a shower or tea, does not mean you can't say NO and suggest they pool their resources. I would think that the potential hostesses would be relieved! And you do not invite someone to a party that would not be invited to the wedding. That is saying "You are good enough to give us stuff, but not good enough to watch us get married."
My mother had recently called me (to consult "Emily") regarding a situation in our extended family where the mother of the bride wanted each sister to throw a specific shower and was calling about to set her plan in motion. I was mortified! It is one thing for the young bride (or her friends) to not know any better, but this mother is "of sufficient age" to have taken etiquette and elocution in school. I wonder if her desire for her daughter to have a good, strong marriage is as strong as her desire for her to get presents.
The only saving grace to this scenaio is that the sisters have divided the master guest list between them so that everyone gets invited to one event rather than everyone getting invited to all (another common faux pas).
My daughter is now of the age that she and her beau are discussing the possibility of marriage. Having been out on her own for over a year now, she pretty much has everything she needs for a household (thus nullifying the need for a shower, in the traditonal sense) however, because of the generous nature of her friends, I am certain that they will be amply fetted.
I plan to caution her to think carefully about her choices and her guests.
Perhaps my first gift to her will be a new copy of Emily Post!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
I See You in I.C.U.
We have finally made it to Sunday...tomorrow begins a new week. This past week has been very trying for the family. With the start of school looming over us, nationals just 2 weeks away and Darling Hubby's car still not working (despite the $200 part) all of this paled in comparison to what lay ahead.
Wednesday morning, about 2:00a.m. D/H awoke to a nasty bout with "the big D" (and I don't mean Dallas) only to find that it signalled the possible return of our old adversary The Bleeding Ulcer.
He called in sick to work and sent me on my way to work in the one car we are currently sharing. The children had orientation that night and he didn't want us to miss it. The plan was to call the gastro doctor and see what he should do. He promised to have either his brother or our oldest carry him to the emergency room should things worsen. I told my boss what was happening, just in case I had to leave work early. Having not heard from D/H, I assumed that everything was fine.
Why is it that men can hear the plan, agree to the plan, but never execute the plan?
Needless to say, the kids and I sped through orientation (which was completley unnecessary because both had attened the school the previous year and were sufficiently oriented!) and then rushed home to carry D/H to the emergency room. We arrived about 7:30pm.
At 11:00pm it was decided that he could indeed be suffering from another bleeding ulcer, his 3rd, and that he was to be sent to ICU and given blood because his blood count was 26 ( around 40 is normal), a procedure that could have been avoided had he remembered "the plan" and come to the hospital earlier in the day. It was agreed that I would go on to work Thursday, because while he was in ICU, I would only be able to see him for 15 minutes ever 2 hours. I could be more productive ( and less worried) if I were focused on my work. He was taken to M.I.C.U. and the first of 2 units of blood were started.
I came home, arriving about 11:30pm and unable to sleep because darling hubby was not in the house, watched t.v. and played a bit on the internet. I thought about the conversation I'd had with Heath just last Friday, after our company benefits meeting that outlined the insurance changes effective September 1st. When I got in the car that day, I'd joked "If you are going to be sick again, you've got to do it before September 1st" Little did I know he'd take me up on it! I drifted off to sleep just in time for my alarm to wake me just in time for the first day of school.
Traffic the first day of school in our little town is bedlam. There is always a traffic jam and at least one wreck, which happened this time at the end of our street. I made it to work almost 10 minutes late, but still managed to find a parking place in the same zip code as the building.
I sent an email to my boss asking to work through my lunch hour in order to leave early. Most of the day, I had to defend our choice for me to come into work, rather than sitting around the hospital, wasting time and wringing my hands. I was focused on my work which made the time pass quickly and productively. I kept hearing ..."well, if it were me..." and I felt like I would explode. I felt bad enough without everyone trying to make me feel more guilty! But I knew that I was following my husband's request and that we'd made the best choice.
As once mentioned before, one of my aunts has been a nurse for over 40 years (most at the very hospital my husband was in). It is a well known fact among our family that she will NOT visit the hospital unless specifically summoned. I always thought it was because she spent enough time there already, however, after my grandmother had summoned us both specifically to the hospital, she explained to me her reasoning.
"People come to the hospital to be well, not be entertaining" she had said. "They do not need a lot of people hanging around. That is why visiting hours are limited like they are. Patients need to rest. For some reason, people think they need to be at the hospital all the time, but really, unless they have a medical degree, there is nothing they can do for the patient that isn't already being done. They can do more harm than good, getting in the way of the staff and needlessly stressing out the patient. I know what it is like trying to care for a patient and having to deal with the family. When the care team thinks you need to be there, they will tell you to be there."
I had never really given that much thought before, but it made perfect sense. And coming from a seasoned medical professional, I took it as the general attitude of other seasoned medical professionals and my attitude toward hospital visits changed considerably. Many could benefit from this sage advice, including many a hospitalized loved one.
I tried to be light-hearted and joke about why I was not at the hospital, only to be told later that I hurt some people's feelings. WHAT?!?! As if I didn't have enough on me already, I , the wife of the patient, who had enough guilt and stress as it was, had yet one more thing to worry about! How sophomoric! Did anyone ever stop to consider what I was going thru?! I was immediately hot, flushing from my chest to the top of my head. I had a melt-down and had to excuse myself to the ladies room where I leaned against the cool, metal wall of the stall and cried.
I arrived at the hospital that afternoon. D/H was ill from the liquid-only diet and had commented on how many restaruant commercials there seem to be on t.v. He had just finished his 4th unit of blood in an effort to stabalize his counts. We did not get to see the doctor but the nurse told us the endoscopy was clear. An ulcer was located in the same area as the previous two, but it was not bleeding. No other source coudl be found in the upper digestive tract and that a colonoscopy would be performed the next day to check the rest. The Go-lytely arrived soon after. Anyone who has had Go-lytely knows that whomever invented it had a sick sense of humor because you are far from "going litely!" I left D/H to the evening task and again found myself unable to sleep.
It was again agreed that I would go to work on Friday, but it was harder to do given the previous days events. Hardly anyone asked about D/H and that helped me stay focused on what I was doing. I had planned to work through my lunch as before, but soon found myself unable to concentrate and asked to leave at 2pm instead. When I reached the hospital, I found D/H enjoying his first solid meal in 2 days. I settled in to wait for the doctor.
The actual gastro doctor never came, but the doctor in the unit read through D/H's chart and gave us the high points. The colonoscopy was also clear, which meant the only other place to check was the 25 +/- feet of small intestine. There are several options but the most interesting seemed to be the "camera pill." We were to wait for the final word from the GI lab, but in the mean time D/H would be moved to a regular room.
After a visit to Cyn's I arrived home, but was still unable to sleep, despite the the wave of exhaustion that was sweeping over me and a belly full of carbs (Cyn knows a double order of hashbrowns all-the-way is a surefire sleep aid for me) . The thought that they were unable to find the cause that resulted in loosing nearly half his blood volume kept me staring at the ceiling fan for several hours.
Saturday I was unable to function from lack of sleep, but I did manage to get up and head to Nancy's. I had been putting off gown fittings since I missed the first one Wednesday evening. While at Nancy's (where the gown is taking shape quite nicely) D/H called to say he'd been released!
By the time we crossed the threshold here at home, I was out, sleeping soundly for several hours.
We still do not know the cause of the bleeding, but D/H's upcoming doctor appointment should shed some light on that.
Thank you all for your continued prayers.
Meanwhile, it's business as usual.
Wednesday morning, about 2:00a.m. D/H awoke to a nasty bout with "the big D" (and I don't mean Dallas) only to find that it signalled the possible return of our old adversary The Bleeding Ulcer.
He called in sick to work and sent me on my way to work in the one car we are currently sharing. The children had orientation that night and he didn't want us to miss it. The plan was to call the gastro doctor and see what he should do. He promised to have either his brother or our oldest carry him to the emergency room should things worsen. I told my boss what was happening, just in case I had to leave work early. Having not heard from D/H, I assumed that everything was fine.
Why is it that men can hear the plan, agree to the plan, but never execute the plan?
Needless to say, the kids and I sped through orientation (which was completley unnecessary because both had attened the school the previous year and were sufficiently oriented!) and then rushed home to carry D/H to the emergency room. We arrived about 7:30pm.
At 11:00pm it was decided that he could indeed be suffering from another bleeding ulcer, his 3rd, and that he was to be sent to ICU and given blood because his blood count was 26 ( around 40 is normal), a procedure that could have been avoided had he remembered "the plan" and come to the hospital earlier in the day. It was agreed that I would go on to work Thursday, because while he was in ICU, I would only be able to see him for 15 minutes ever 2 hours. I could be more productive ( and less worried) if I were focused on my work. He was taken to M.I.C.U. and the first of 2 units of blood were started.
I came home, arriving about 11:30pm and unable to sleep because darling hubby was not in the house, watched t.v. and played a bit on the internet. I thought about the conversation I'd had with Heath just last Friday, after our company benefits meeting that outlined the insurance changes effective September 1st. When I got in the car that day, I'd joked "If you are going to be sick again, you've got to do it before September 1st" Little did I know he'd take me up on it! I drifted off to sleep just in time for my alarm to wake me just in time for the first day of school.
Traffic the first day of school in our little town is bedlam. There is always a traffic jam and at least one wreck, which happened this time at the end of our street. I made it to work almost 10 minutes late, but still managed to find a parking place in the same zip code as the building.
I sent an email to my boss asking to work through my lunch hour in order to leave early. Most of the day, I had to defend our choice for me to come into work, rather than sitting around the hospital, wasting time and wringing my hands. I was focused on my work which made the time pass quickly and productively. I kept hearing ..."well, if it were me..." and I felt like I would explode. I felt bad enough without everyone trying to make me feel more guilty! But I knew that I was following my husband's request and that we'd made the best choice.
As once mentioned before, one of my aunts has been a nurse for over 40 years (most at the very hospital my husband was in). It is a well known fact among our family that she will NOT visit the hospital unless specifically summoned. I always thought it was because she spent enough time there already, however, after my grandmother had summoned us both specifically to the hospital, she explained to me her reasoning.
"People come to the hospital to be well, not be entertaining" she had said. "They do not need a lot of people hanging around. That is why visiting hours are limited like they are. Patients need to rest. For some reason, people think they need to be at the hospital all the time, but really, unless they have a medical degree, there is nothing they can do for the patient that isn't already being done. They can do more harm than good, getting in the way of the staff and needlessly stressing out the patient. I know what it is like trying to care for a patient and having to deal with the family. When the care team thinks you need to be there, they will tell you to be there."
I had never really given that much thought before, but it made perfect sense. And coming from a seasoned medical professional, I took it as the general attitude of other seasoned medical professionals and my attitude toward hospital visits changed considerably. Many could benefit from this sage advice, including many a hospitalized loved one.
I tried to be light-hearted and joke about why I was not at the hospital, only to be told later that I hurt some people's feelings. WHAT?!?! As if I didn't have enough on me already, I , the wife of the patient, who had enough guilt and stress as it was, had yet one more thing to worry about! How sophomoric! Did anyone ever stop to consider what I was going thru?! I was immediately hot, flushing from my chest to the top of my head. I had a melt-down and had to excuse myself to the ladies room where I leaned against the cool, metal wall of the stall and cried.
I arrived at the hospital that afternoon. D/H was ill from the liquid-only diet and had commented on how many restaruant commercials there seem to be on t.v. He had just finished his 4th unit of blood in an effort to stabalize his counts. We did not get to see the doctor but the nurse told us the endoscopy was clear. An ulcer was located in the same area as the previous two, but it was not bleeding. No other source coudl be found in the upper digestive tract and that a colonoscopy would be performed the next day to check the rest. The Go-lytely arrived soon after. Anyone who has had Go-lytely knows that whomever invented it had a sick sense of humor because you are far from "going litely!" I left D/H to the evening task and again found myself unable to sleep.
It was again agreed that I would go to work on Friday, but it was harder to do given the previous days events. Hardly anyone asked about D/H and that helped me stay focused on what I was doing. I had planned to work through my lunch as before, but soon found myself unable to concentrate and asked to leave at 2pm instead. When I reached the hospital, I found D/H enjoying his first solid meal in 2 days. I settled in to wait for the doctor.
The actual gastro doctor never came, but the doctor in the unit read through D/H's chart and gave us the high points. The colonoscopy was also clear, which meant the only other place to check was the 25 +/- feet of small intestine. There are several options but the most interesting seemed to be the "camera pill." We were to wait for the final word from the GI lab, but in the mean time D/H would be moved to a regular room.
After a visit to Cyn's I arrived home, but was still unable to sleep, despite the the wave of exhaustion that was sweeping over me and a belly full of carbs (Cyn knows a double order of hashbrowns all-the-way is a surefire sleep aid for me) . The thought that they were unable to find the cause that resulted in loosing nearly half his blood volume kept me staring at the ceiling fan for several hours.
Saturday I was unable to function from lack of sleep, but I did manage to get up and head to Nancy's. I had been putting off gown fittings since I missed the first one Wednesday evening. While at Nancy's (where the gown is taking shape quite nicely) D/H called to say he'd been released!
By the time we crossed the threshold here at home, I was out, sleeping soundly for several hours.
We still do not know the cause of the bleeding, but D/H's upcoming doctor appointment should shed some light on that.
Thank you all for your continued prayers.
Meanwhile, it's business as usual.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
My Bucket List
I have decided it's time to compose a Bucket List. You know...a list of all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. Okay, I guess it's obvious that I've just watched "The Bucket List" with 2 of my favorite actors Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.
But you have to admit, it's one heck of a concept, and it seems like the ultimate goal setting exercise.
I'm 41 so I figure, best case scenario, I have about 40 years (give or take a few) to accomplish everything on it. Well, that is if I take after my dad's side of the family. My mother's side of the family can't seem to get anymore than 10 days past their 70th birthdays.
No kidding. When we buried my mother's only brother, who died exactly 10 days from his 70th birthday a few years back, I remember being unnerved that everyone was walking across the graves of their parents. I was trying to be as respectful as possible, taking up a position behind my mother, which was coincidentally on top of my grandfather's footstone.
It was then I had a "movie moment" ... you know, those moments when everyone is intently focused on the clergy/speaker/wedding party, etc... and someone in the back says something really stupid, really loudly and everyone in the congregation turns to look? As I caught the heel of my shoe in the engraved Masonic emblem, I glanced down and saw that the date of his death was, get this, 10 days after his 70th birthday! I gasped...loudly...causing an awkward pause to fall over the graveside service.
So, worst case scenario, I have 29 years...and 10 days...to complete the items on the list.
All my life I've joked about things I'd like to accomplish before I die. Silly, inconsequential stuff...learn to play piano, see Paris, learn converstaional Japanese, write a novel. Now, after having given it some serious thought (and a stroke scare in January), compiling this list of goals doesn't sound like a bad idea.
Once, a family friend attended a seminar about obtaining your dreams. After serving as a helicopter pilot in Vietnam, Richmond became an attorney, but kept his pilot license current, serving as a helicopter pilot in the Reserves. His office was always fun to hang around and he told the most interesting stories, smattered with corny jokes. He was very smart and enjoyed expanding his horizons with classes and seminars and such.
At this seminar, the instuctor handed out 3x5 cards, on which he asked everyone to write down what their dream job would be if money were no object. Richmond jotted down that he would like to own his own helicopter piloting service. Then the instructor told everyone to write down how they would go about obtaining this dream job, still keeping in mind that money was no object. Richmond quickly mapped out what would be needed. Then the instructor told everyone their next assignment was to go out and obtain that job! He told everyone that money IS NOT a factor if one really wanted to reach a goal. Needless to say...Richmond began piloting for a helicopter service that flew employees back and forth to oil rigs in the Gulf. I do not know if he ever reached his goal of owning his own service, but I know that he was very happy from that point forward. A few years ago, he died from complications of sleep apnea.
This story springs to mind whenever I think of lofty goals and how I should not give up on them.
I read somewhere that when you are setting goals, you should have a few that you can't obtain. That if all your goals are ones that you can actually reach, that you don't strive for them as much. That contridicts the idea behind creating a Bucket List, since the list should contain obtainable items.
I plan to have a few items that are subject to interpretation to be crossed off as I see fit. I noticed that in places in the movie, the characters were creative with the items on their list. The whole discussion of the origin kopi luwak (which, conincidentally, I already knew about, being in the coffee biz myself) though funny, would not make me laugh til I cried, but it was a heck of a punch line.
Unlike the movie, I plan for my husband to join me in many of them. Probably the sentimental ones, like having 10 grandchildren (a project mainly for my children!) and watching the sunset from the porch of our mountain top retirement villa. There are sure to be some silly ones too...real "Lucy and Ethel" moments, as I intend my best friend Cyndi, 4 years my junior, to join me on quite a few items. What good would the list be if I can't share it with those I love?
As I start to compile this list, I urge you, my reader, to check out the book film writer Justin Zackham is publishing by the same name. Zackham compiled the Bucket Lists of indiviuals ( actor Morgan Freeman included) from a broad spectrum of culture.
I plan to share my list with you as it forms, because part of setting a goal is having others keep you accountable to them.
That said, here is the beginning of Joy's Bucket List: (in no particular order)
Write a Novel (and publish it!)
Write something that will be read widespread
Surf the North Shore
See Paris
Scuba on the Great Barrier Reef
Parasail
Represent Alabama at one of The Big Three
See all 3 of my children find the love of their life
Own my own business
Enjoy at least 10 grandchildren
Drive on the track at Talledega
Meet Kathleen Turner
Run for political office
Restore an antebellum mansion
Go on safari
well...it's a work in progress...
But you have to admit, it's one heck of a concept, and it seems like the ultimate goal setting exercise.
I'm 41 so I figure, best case scenario, I have about 40 years (give or take a few) to accomplish everything on it. Well, that is if I take after my dad's side of the family. My mother's side of the family can't seem to get anymore than 10 days past their 70th birthdays.
No kidding. When we buried my mother's only brother, who died exactly 10 days from his 70th birthday a few years back, I remember being unnerved that everyone was walking across the graves of their parents. I was trying to be as respectful as possible, taking up a position behind my mother, which was coincidentally on top of my grandfather's footstone.
It was then I had a "movie moment" ... you know, those moments when everyone is intently focused on the clergy/speaker/wedding party, etc... and someone in the back says something really stupid, really loudly and everyone in the congregation turns to look? As I caught the heel of my shoe in the engraved Masonic emblem, I glanced down and saw that the date of his death was, get this, 10 days after his 70th birthday! I gasped...loudly...causing an awkward pause to fall over the graveside service.
So, worst case scenario, I have 29 years...and 10 days...to complete the items on the list.
All my life I've joked about things I'd like to accomplish before I die. Silly, inconsequential stuff...learn to play piano, see Paris, learn converstaional Japanese, write a novel. Now, after having given it some serious thought (and a stroke scare in January), compiling this list of goals doesn't sound like a bad idea.
Once, a family friend attended a seminar about obtaining your dreams. After serving as a helicopter pilot in Vietnam, Richmond became an attorney, but kept his pilot license current, serving as a helicopter pilot in the Reserves. His office was always fun to hang around and he told the most interesting stories, smattered with corny jokes. He was very smart and enjoyed expanding his horizons with classes and seminars and such.
At this seminar, the instuctor handed out 3x5 cards, on which he asked everyone to write down what their dream job would be if money were no object. Richmond jotted down that he would like to own his own helicopter piloting service. Then the instructor told everyone to write down how they would go about obtaining this dream job, still keeping in mind that money was no object. Richmond quickly mapped out what would be needed. Then the instructor told everyone their next assignment was to go out and obtain that job! He told everyone that money IS NOT a factor if one really wanted to reach a goal. Needless to say...Richmond began piloting for a helicopter service that flew employees back and forth to oil rigs in the Gulf. I do not know if he ever reached his goal of owning his own service, but I know that he was very happy from that point forward. A few years ago, he died from complications of sleep apnea.
This story springs to mind whenever I think of lofty goals and how I should not give up on them.
I read somewhere that when you are setting goals, you should have a few that you can't obtain. That if all your goals are ones that you can actually reach, that you don't strive for them as much. That contridicts the idea behind creating a Bucket List, since the list should contain obtainable items.
I plan to have a few items that are subject to interpretation to be crossed off as I see fit. I noticed that in places in the movie, the characters were creative with the items on their list. The whole discussion of the origin kopi luwak (which, conincidentally, I already knew about, being in the coffee biz myself) though funny, would not make me laugh til I cried, but it was a heck of a punch line.
Unlike the movie, I plan for my husband to join me in many of them. Probably the sentimental ones, like having 10 grandchildren (a project mainly for my children!) and watching the sunset from the porch of our mountain top retirement villa. There are sure to be some silly ones too...real "Lucy and Ethel" moments, as I intend my best friend Cyndi, 4 years my junior, to join me on quite a few items. What good would the list be if I can't share it with those I love?
As I start to compile this list, I urge you, my reader, to check out the book film writer Justin Zackham is publishing by the same name. Zackham compiled the Bucket Lists of indiviuals ( actor Morgan Freeman included) from a broad spectrum of culture.
I plan to share my list with you as it forms, because part of setting a goal is having others keep you accountable to them.
That said, here is the beginning of Joy's Bucket List: (in no particular order)
Write a Novel (and publish it!)
Write something that will be read widespread
Surf the North Shore
See Paris
Scuba on the Great Barrier Reef
Parasail
Represent Alabama at one of The Big Three
See all 3 of my children find the love of their life
Own my own business
Enjoy at least 10 grandchildren
Drive on the track at Talledega
Meet Kathleen Turner
Run for political office
Restore an antebellum mansion
Go on safari
well...it's a work in progress...
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