Trying Not To

Today I am trying not to dwell on negative energy.

I am trying not to think about the COVID19 crisis and all the upheaval it has caused.
Trying not to think about what they are trying to distract us from.
Trying not to think about all my coworkers who were let go so my company could survive.
Trying not to feel guilty that I remained.

I am trying not to think about how today would have been my 21st anniversary.
Trying not to think how D/H couldn't keep his parts in his pants.
Trying not to think about how low his standards suddenly got,  or how he gave up at doing the real work of a true relationship.
Trying not to think about how he used me all those years, or how, out of love, I had let him.

I am trying not to think about how I missed the story about Scooter's graduation on the national news.
Trying not to dwell on the fact that holding the ceremony on a football field is not as unique as everyone thinks. And it wasn't "undignified." Just unairconditioned.
Trying not to think about how much I was sweating on that football field June 6, 1985.

I am trying not to think about how I should have gone to the beach today.
Trying not to think about the throngs of people who flocked there or how crowded it probably is.
Trying not to think about how boring its gonna be here without my friends, who all went to the beach.

I am trying not to think about how I am going to spend my first day off in 2020.
Trying not to think about how I overslept by 6 hours. Yep SIX HOURS.
Trying not to think about what to do for the next three days.
Trying not to think about JB over here, snoring in little whistles and snorts.

I am trying not to move from my comfy bed to start my day now Because it is now noon.!
Trying not to think about going to Waffle House for break...wait...lunch!
And trying not to forget to wish you a happy and safe holiday