Monday, March 18, 2013

Stick a Needle in Your Eye

Nothing irks me more than having tried and true products suddenly, and without warning, becoming discontinued.

Equally as disappointing is when something has a "new and improved formula" (which usually means that they've added some thick, heady fragrance). That has happened to me more often than I care to discuss, other than what is mentioned HERE.  I am a "creature of habit" (read: OCD) and would rather not have to think about somethings. When something works, it works. Why change, right?  But no, they can't leave well enough alone.

And thus it has happened to my favorite mascara.

This is nothing new. I used "comb on" mascara in high school. The comb was half the size of the typical applicator brush and was easier to manuever around my eye. It reached all of my lashes and I could coat them several times for the perfect eye-framing effect.  Then, sadly, it was discontinued.

When it was discontinued, it was as if I had to learn how to apply mascara all over again. The big, bushy brushes only touched the middle-most lashes. It would clump miserably, despite my best efforts. Forget using the end of the brush to do anything. I usually wound up poking myself in the eye and having to start over from scratch.

The moment I saw the first add for my favorite mascara I rushed right out and bought a tube.  Literally. For this reason, I am thankful that Walmart is a 24 hour establishment.

The small, round, applicator brush was exactly what I was looking for, for many years, to apply product to my blonde eyelashes, ever since "comb on" mascara went the way of the dinosaur.  Standard mascara brushes, and worse, extra thick mascara brushes, tend to make a huge mess of ones eye make up as one tries valiantly to get it on all of their lashes. Every___blonde__lash.

While there was a short learning period, as I adjusted to the tiny, round brush (cocklebur in the eye anyone?) soon I was getting the lash look that I loved once again.

I am a firm believer in only keeping mascara for the optimum three month time period.  I learned that  mascara begin to harbor some nasty bacteria long before I even wore mascara. The "Pink-Eye Episode of  Spring 1982", made me even more skittish when it came to the care and keeping of my eye makeup.  I would not let friends (and later, even my daughters) "borrow" my liners or mascara for fear of rotting my eyes out.  If I even went one day with an itchy eye, I'd throw out my mascara first.

So three months ago, when I bought my last tube of micro-brush mascara, I never dreamed that in just three short months, I'd be scouring the shelves for a new mascara.

Imagine my horror as I viewed the new display of the "new and improved" mascara formulas.
When an OCD person has to make changes, no matter how insignificant, a certain amount of panic sets in.

At first, I wasn't certain I had the correct brand.  I wandered the make up aisles, checking out everyone's mascara. I knew that I could not use the Cover Girls or the Maybelines, but I checked just to be certain. 

I went back to the area that my mascara was supposed to be. Several times. I read each product tag. I pulled several off to make sure someone had not stuck one on top of it. 

 I looked across the aisle at the other big name brand and then returned to the same four-foot section of mascaras I had been disecting. I sat down in the floor to inspect the area closer.


I realized that I was talking to myself...aloud. Where was it, where was it.... A woman next to me commented that it had appeared that they were "resetting" the section. (Store-speak for rearranging the section...a term I was familiar with from my seven years in retail). I looked at her as if she slapped me, (which clued me into the fact I was muttering) but I knew that could very well be the case.

I was making such a spectacle, that suddenly, out of no where, a woman wearing a name tag appeared and asked if I needed help.  I stood up, a little sheepish, but visibly sweating.

 "No, just trying to find my mascara."

 I answered, meanwhile eyeing the "eye-in-the-sky" (not so hidden bubble shaped survellence camera) over her head. As I turned my attention back on the mascaras, I could see another out of the corner of my eye. I was apparently being televised on two monitors. I can only wonder what they thought in the security office as they watched me, walking in circles and squatting.

I settled on the mascara I had used back before this little miracle. I got the only non-waterproof package left. I hate waterproof mascara. By the end of eight hours, it felt like there were needles sticking out of my eyes.

I am sure the "eye-in-the-sky" people were relieved to see me go.

When I got home with my purchase, all I could think was how enormous the brush looked. I went without mascara the next day, and everyone asked if I was okay.  Said I looked tired.

So that option is out.

I'm going to poke my eye out.

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