Sunday, May 31, 2015

Thank You Random Walmart Stranger

This has been a rough week. I spent the past week in North Carolina preparing for the Devine Miss M's wedding. But I will get to that story later. While I was away, Dooder called to inform me that yet another old school chum had died. His funeral was today and that fact was on my mind as we rolled back into town at 2:00 a.m. this morning.

This particular friend had been a been our high school drum major, a leader in my circle of friends. I had many memories of him. He was just a year older than me. Best friend of my high school boyfriend, he had ridden shotgun on many an adventure. We ate breakfast at his house before school nearly everyday my sophomore and junior year.  He was tall, handsome, and very smart. He was one of the first people that I knew who had a home computer. He was very musically talented as well, playing trumpet, mellophone, and French horn. I am told his descent into mental illness and prescription abuse led to his eventual death. Despite only having had only a few hours of sleep after the nine hour drive in from Durham, I had to attend the funeral.

On a related note, my favorite "most expensive shoes ever" made an unexpected detour to Georgia with one of the bridesmaids. That changed what I had planned to wear to the funeral home. Going with my my tried and true black sheath dress, pearls and the "second most expensive shoes ever" that are not as comfortable as the MESE. My hair was still pretty decent from the wedding yesterday (thank you for a great curly cut), all I had to do was jump in the shower and head out.

There were several former band members.

After attending the service. I had to run to into Wallyworld to stock back up after my week away.
 I usually start at the back and work my way toward the front. Then all I have left to do is check out.
Standing in the produce aisle for a bag of kale, a man. mid-to-late walked up to me.

'Excuse me," he said. " but I need to tell you that I think you are just stunning"

I stood there, bag of kale in hand. poised over my cart. Mouth agape, I looked behind me to see who he was addressing.  He continued.

"It is nice to see a woman who knows how to dress herself. Women don't know how to dress properly anymore."

I could feel my face flush, but I did remember to say thank you. A woman wearing a ratty tee-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops passed between me and the produce case. His eyes followed her.

"Its nice to see a woman dressed like a lady. I just thought that you should know."

With that said. he walked away. 

I had needed that little ego boost and I know that I stood up a little straighter as I made my way to the check out.

Thank you random Walmart stranger.
You definitely made my day!

Friday, May 22, 2015

A Little Meloncholy

Today would have been my sixteenth wedding anniversary and I am a little melancholy. Not because D/H is gone, but because his absence is a glairing reminder of my failure.

The last few days helping with preparations for the Devine Miss M's wedding have taken me back to making preparations for my own wedding.

 Looking through my wedding album this morning, (the only day I have allowed myself to do that) I am misty-eyed. I had worked so hard to make sure everything was perfect. But did I focus on the wedding so much that I missed making sure that my marriage was fireproof as well?

I am a bystander for this event and happy to do whatever I am asked.  My own wedding was much different. Doing nearly everything by myself, getting sick and loosing my voice the day before the event, the kindergarten graduation delaying rehearsal, decorating the church and finding that a dear church lady had showed up to add little touches just for us.

There were little things that went wrong that I had to shrug off.  Little things that no one realized went wrong but me. The church taking down the modesty rail and changing the look of the stage the week of my wedding , how my shoes were suddenly too big, how the pianist booked two wedding for the same day so we had to move the time up, and most notably the sudden rain storm.  Little annoyances.

Probably the most stinging was D/H's biological mother calling to say that she was not coming to the wedding. But her absence lifted and invisible weight from everyone's shoulders, because no one had to deal with her selfish, self-centered antics. (gee I wonder where he learned that) I learned later that it was because she did not like me. Then D/H did the most selfless thing that he ever would do the entire time we were married. He chose me. That decision would lead to a rift between mother and son that last the duration of our marriage.  I am told that she hates the Homewrecker  as well, but is reluctant to say anything about it. "Look what happened last time I said something" she was quoted as saying.

As I think back, I ask myself, was it that I didn't love him enough? But the truth is that he didn't love me enough. He didn't love me enough to stay committed and faithful. There is nothing like finding out that your "fairytale" romance is over and that your Prince Charming was shagging the troll from under the bridge.

But I have come out the other side of this past year in a much better place. Scores of friends have told me how much happier I am now and that they are glad  they no longer have to entertain the boorish, insufferable lout that was D/H. They all sat by, powerless to save  me, mostly from the near constant stress of keeping them all from killing him. Needless to say, they are all glad that he is gone.

I do have moment where I miss him, but they quickly pass now. Moments when I see someone celebrating double digit anniversaries, or see those family pictures at the beach. and the "oh my spouse is so wonderful, look what they did for me."

 D/H was never interested in doing anything, or going anywhere, aside from drinking, sponging off our friends, and making an ass of himself, usually at my expense. But I have already done things in this year that I would never have been done if  I was still married  The ability to pick up at a moments notice and head anywhere, has been very exhilarating. "Why Not' has become my new motto. Friends have come back into my life now,. Friends that had enough of D/H's self -centered antics and just removed themselves from the situation. One can only be manipulated for so long.  I had missed them.

I am certain that I miss my son Tigger most of all.  Looking through my wedding album I look at his little face, so wide-eyed  and fresh with promise. I wonder what this experience has taught him about truly allowing himself to love someone, versus just using them to get what they want. How selfish and shallow, but I have learned over the years that this was the only thing D/H was good at. Using people. I know that Tigger is more compassionate than that.  I hope this hasn't taught him that people are only as good as what they do for you, and then they are disposable.

I had a dream earlier this week. I dreamed that I was actually home on the day that D/H left. I watched, helpless, as he packed his belonging in his truck. I had pleaded with him to talk to me about this rash decision, about throwing away the life we were building together. I stood on the porch, begging him to stay.

Then the most heart stopping part of the whole thing, turning my dream into a horrible nightmare:

He stayed

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Playing Catch Up

Sorry all,

I have a very busy couple of weeks.

I guess a good place to start is by congratulating my dear friend LG on his recent nuptials to the beautiful Mrs LG. I know what you may be thinking. What Happened? Nothing. really. We have always been great friends. The physical distance was just to great to try to explore anything more. He has been a voice of calm stability during a time when my life was in turmoil LG told me that I am an incredible woman and that the Lord is going to send the perfect person into my life when the time is just right and that he would always support me.  He met her not long after my visit, and he knew right away that she was the one. She is a very sweet lady. I could not be happier for them.  Despite the invite to share in their joy, I could not attend, thanks largely to prior commitments. The pictures he sent me were beautiful. She is truly a lucky lady, as LG was the ultimate gentleman.

Julz and a buddy got to go to the Kentucky Derby for her birthday weekend. She came and raided my hat collection and left with four hats.  They had a great time and I got this really cute picture of them.

I am super proud of my oldest nephew, who earned an academic scholarship to a military college.
I hate that we couldn't be there to see him accept his scholarship.
I guess here is a good place to bring up" Huck", the latest fella in my life. A friend of a friend, we have been busy getting to know one another. Aside from being an Auburn fan (score!) he is easy to talk to and we have a lot in common.  He is my age, owns his own business, volunteers his Saturdays, and has three grown children....and is a grandfather to two little boys. They live in Knoxville, but from their pictures I can tell they are precious. "Pop Pop" is obviously smitten and wishes that they lived closer. The dates that we have been on have been fun. He sheepishly puts on readers in order to read menus, and that makes it easier for me to wear my own glasses. Despite commenting (three times)on my height when we first met, he assured me that he likes when I wear heels. "You have great legs" he said with a grin. In my flats, he is just a hair taller than me.
 This past weekend we went to see "Mad Max: Fury Road"  I only have one word to describe it: LOUD. Not exactly a remake as much as a reboot. Max (Tom Hardy) reluctantly accompanies a group of ghoulish desert inhabitants who escape from a Darth Vadar-esque villain under the guise of collecting gas, They instead go in search of The Green Place where Furiosa (Charlize Theron) was born. The kid from that zombie movie (Warm Bodies own Nicholas Hoult) as an unlikely hero. There were a few big plot holes that I would have liked to have been filled.  The make up and special effects were cool. The vehicles were very "Road Warrior" worthy , especially the "War Rig" a battle ready 18 wheel tanker truck.  Huck and I both agreed that the vehicle  covered in woofers and tweeters, carrying six drummers and a bungee-swinging guitar player, was the craziest. Who wouldn't want to travel with their own theme music?! It leaves a huge opening, that producers could drive a truck through, making the way for future sequels. Very interesting,  We opted for the regular viewing and was later glad that we did. Not sure I could have stood the 3D version. Can you say Sensory Overload?
In more recent days, I have been tied up in preparing for my BFF's middle daughter's wedding. The Divine Miss M will be married in less than two weeks time. So far I have been on hand for the purchase of TWO bridal gowns,  made six bridesmaids bouquets, gone fabric shopping till all hours of the night, searched high and low for a nude leotard, and stapled lace hem tape on countless programs. And after work tomorrow, I get to do it all again. Yea.
So the next couple of days are going to be really busy.
EnJOY your week!

Friday, May 15, 2015

Good Night Lucille

A man who inspired nearly two generations of musicians with his soulful electric blues sound.

 Rest in peace B.B. King.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!  But especially to my wonderful mother!

This is my mom in a very rare phone-call-at-the-table photo. Mother hates for people to talk or text while we are eating. Julz caught this moment at lunch one day. It is a favorite picture of mine.
Everything I learned about being a true lady I learned from my mother. Unfortunately, I did reject some of her sage advice, but she is the voice I ultimately hear in my head that reminds me to do the right thing. She has been my harshest critic, but my biggest supporter. Once I thought she was out to ruin my life, but I now know that she only wanted the best for me.
 I could not imagine not speaking to her every day. 
We celebrated today with lunch at The Fish Market.
I spent last night having dinner with my beautiful girls. The only thing that would have been made it perfect would have been a word from my son.

Our waitress took this picture for us.
Today's sermon was about our duty as parents. The mistake that many parents make today is that they try to be friends with their children. I know that I did. That when we don't discipline our children properly we are doing them a disservice. We hobble their future relationship with God.  
Society today is training our children to NOT relate to others. They are so wrapped up in texting, posting. tweeting,emailing, snapchatting, etc...that they no longer have the skills to have a basic, face to face conversation. Parents today, myself included, are more concerned with being our kids "friends", rather than disciplining them properly and in turn, kids today are more self-centered, arrogant and entitled than ever before. We did this to ourselves.
The devils is a sneaky one. He made us think this was all okay.
This series on relationships has been tough on me. It has pointed out where me and D/H went wrong in our marriage.  We let other things take priority over God. 
But I am getting my priorities in order.
God first, everything else second.
The best advice I can give mothers today is that when one has their priorities in order, everything else falls right into place.
Happy Mother's Day to those to which it applies. That includes my friends and family who are mothers to be. grandmothers,  step-mothers, co-mothers, foster mothers, adoptive mothers, and mothers of "angel" babies.
Love to you all