Tuesday, March 7, 2017

A Gift For Me.

Someone once told me that I only loved myself. At the time, they were very wrong. I loved everyone but myself.  And the way I lived my life proved it. I let people run all over me. I scrimped and saved and sacrificed, over and over again. I let people steal from me and never said anything, because I thought they loved me too.

It has taken me a very long time, but I finally have a gift for me.

I love myself.

I love myself enough to not have to settle for someone who completely ignores me
I love myself enough to not be with someone who only shows affection when he wants something.
I love myself enough to ask questions when things don't add up.
I love myself enough to know the difference between having someone be there for me and just having someone be there.
I love myself enough to be with someone who will think I am his top priority and put my best interest first. To support me. To protect me.
I love myself enough to stand up for myself when things are not right.
I love myself enough to walk away if I need to.

I finally love myself

Saturday, March 4, 2017

A Reason Or A Season

They say that people move in and out of your life under one of three phases: a  Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.  There are people that came into one's life for  a Reason, They there to teach a lesson somehow. There are those who are there for a Season. These also bring lessons, but they are typically there to bring one though a phase, resulting in life altering changes. Then there are those who are there for a Lifetime. These are one's family and best. lifelong friends. As I look back over my life, I clearly see people that fall under each of these categories.

 Last night I was reunited with an old friend, I will call The Artist.  I really think that he was sent into my life three years ago for a Reason: that there are still good people around me.

You may remember him as the friend that I had spent time with immediately after my divorce. He was a graphic artist, who was the younger brother of one of my classmates. He was also supposedly the "designer" of a particularly tacky tattoo, that I later learned had been a just hasty scrawl on a bar napkin.

I had stumbled upon him earlier in the week on the same social media that he had taken a break from years ago.. Life happens fast and he said he needed to focus on it. Then we lost touch.

Life happens fast indeed. In the 2 years since, he had gotten a new, better job, got priorities in order,  and bought a house just up the road in my little corner of the world.  Through a series of texts over the week, I found myself as his guest once again, for a movie, and good conversation.  I am always up for intelligent conversation!

Directions to his new home included the warning, "watch for deer." Not surprising for the heavily wooded areas in and around out little town. I had seen more deer standing in my best friends yard in one year than I have my whole life. I proceeded with caution and drove carefully along that winding road not far from my home, lights on bright, scanning the road for deer.. Little did I know that I would happen upon two standing in his driveway. I am pretty sure they were two does, but there could also have been a spike in the mix as I didn't see the second one very well.

He was still as handsome as I had remembered, sporting a head full of thick black hair with just a touch of grey, that matched the smattering of grey in his Vandyke. He gave me a tour of his beautiful new home, which cost surprisingly little more than the rent on his one bedroom Southside apartment. It was sparsely decorated, as any bachelor pad would be, however the furnishings were well thought out and stylish. The living room had a large, square sectional with overstuffed cushions, a round, distressed wood coffee table, with side tables to match,  and a beautiful yellow and gray accent chair. A gray area rug in gray and yellow pulled the room together.

His new job as Creative Director was a great improvement to his last, and he said that he felt he was finally being paid what he felt he was worth. Part of his job involved the operation of a state of the art printing machine that could print, among other things, large aluminum signs for use at the company facilities around the country. He attributed lifting and moving those materials around to keeping in shape.

As we sat in the living room, a large (at least 20 pounds large!) grey cat leapt on the couch between us. He immediately began smelling my coat, then, having deemed me worthy, settled into my lap. His name was Pablo, after Pablo Picasso.  He reminded me so much of my beloved Zipper.

Pablo was quite the cat. He was very interested in my, primarily my coat, which he followed around the room, as I moved it so he would not sit on it. I know he smelled JB on it, a clear signal that I was a "cat person." Once he had decided that he was done with my coat, he settled onto the couch, just to our left, He became immediately interested in the Artist's phone, which lay among the collection of remotes on the coffee table.

The Artist reached out and moved the phone to the couch next to Pablo and unlocked the screen. A bright graphic flashed across the screen. It immediately caught Pablo's attention. As he gazed at it intently, he reached out with his paw and swiped it, as if he as checking his social media. We laughed at him as he scrolled through the pages.

I was very interested in the media delivery options that the Artist had, as he did not have cable either. I had a digital antenna but also heard about firesticks, Roku, streaming sites like Hulu, and such. The Artist had Roku. He showed me how it worked and agreed to help me get it set up once I settled on what I wanted. As we chatted, Pablo continued to scroll through the Artist's phone. He was so enthralled, he did not notice as I snapped his photo.

Conversation came easily and we seamlessly moved from topic to topic. We chatted until midnight, with little regard for the time. Though we started Blazing Saddles (an irreverent classic, that I am certain would not be released today) but it was little more than background noise. At 12:30, yawning, I said my goodbyes.

As I drove home, I wondered why this friend suddenly popped back up in this time in my life.
A reason or a season.

Either way, I am enjoying the lesson.