Independence

So I went on a date this past weekend, with someone I have known over 30 years.


Yeah, I know.


In all the ways it was exciting, there was something very comfortable and familiar about him.


I was not prepared for him to the atypical, rude, obnoxious, bammer fan (a fact I didn't recall from our previous relationship) , which lead to some uncomfortable situations while we dinned, watching the Auburn game.


As he filled me in on what he had been doing these last 30 years, all I could think was, when did he turn into such a jackass? Everything he described had been so... dramatic.


I can not go down that road again. I can not knowingly put myself in a relationship where the male stirred up so much drama. It has taken me 4 years to cultivate a drama-free life and I like it.


Some may think it boring, but it is finally peaceful after having endured so much.  Stuff stopped going missing, all the bills are paid on time, the house looks fantastic, there are no sudden "crises" that drain my savings and the confident thought that I am NOT being cheated on with every floozy skank that comes along lets me sleep very well at night.


This date also made me realize, that I don't really want a relationship. I don't have to rush into anything with just anyone, just because I can't be alone with myself. 


 I used to think that I did.  I needed to show I had moved on and could be happy too.   But I could tell pretty quick, what was not working. That I was still attracted to immature boys, who lacked very basic responsibility. (I really love a good "project")  I guess now that I am older, I see that a man who is past 40 and doesn't have one thing for himself by now,  is not a truly a man. And these wanna-be men would try and manipulate me, I guess to get me to feel sorry for them and bail them out of some disaster. Oh the stories were good, but the blinders are off.  I had been down that road before.  I need a fully formed, fully functioning, adult human being.


No more "projects" for me.