Monday, January 27, 2014

Post Mortem of a Marriage: Moving On

Despite the fact that I've posted some tragic and painful things everyday this weekend, my weekend was FABULOUS!

I think that writing is moving out the negative feelings and making room for positive thoughts. These are obviously benefitting me, and others are noticing the difference.

Most surprising is that the house remains clean with little to no effort. None of my stuff mysteriously goes missing. I have enough groceries to last for another month, maybe more. I have a substantial, positive balance in my account, (Or at least I did until I paid my attorney) and ALL the bills are paid.

I've had nearly everyone I've encountered this weekend tell me that they can see how much weight I've lost, and that I look great! One even remarked that it had to have taken off ten years!

I owe thanks to my friends, who keep me busy and keep me going.  They apparently made a pact in the very beginning to not leave me home by myself. Their plan is working perfectly. I've had something upbeat and fun to do every weekend. One passes the duty off to another seamlessly.

Sundays are a little tough. D/H and I would spend them cuddled up on the couch watching t.v. Even the last Sunday we spent together. Now I am alone with my thoughts on those days and the melancholia sets in .

Ironically, I have reconnected with a few people from my past, and had lengthy conversations with them over the past few days. I spent most of Sunday chatting on the phone. As we laughed over old times and new, I felt the sadness slip away.

 All those who I have spoken with these past few days seem to be in agreement on one thing, and though I only know of two who actually know each other, I've heard a version of this advice from them all.

They keep telling me to "go back to the Joy they knew from back then."  The confident, smart, witty, tough, opinionated girl they all once knew. The one that told it like it was, no matter how ugly, but still had compassion in her heart to spare your feelings. The one who made friends in every clique and saw them for who they were, not what they could do for her. The girl who stayed behind after the party to help clean up. The girl who's smile lit up the entire football stadium when she twirled.

I'm not sure where I left her. So much in my past has changed me.

But I can find her again.
And to do that
I must move on

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