Friday, January 31, 2014

Who The $#@&% Did I Marry!?

A friend, who is a mutual friend of Darling Hubby's texted me yesterday afternoon.

"Hey, just thought you should know, he's changed his relationship status on Facebook to 'in a relationship with Nasty Rotten HomeWreckin Trailer Trash without benefit of the trailer Skank'  Don't get upset, but it says since September 2013"  Remember, he just left December 27th. That means that he had been carrying on with her for the last 4 months of our marriage. Our marriage that is still not disolved yet as of today, January 31st.

My heart jumped up in my mouth. How could they be so brazen!
His family, that just a month ago was MY family, would see that!
He was making me look like a fool!

I know that his family is embarassed, and extremely apologetic. They are all in shock that he so easily threw away a seventeen year relationship and walked away without explanation. I am assured that the person he has become was not the person they had raised. After being told repeatedly through the years, that I was the "daughter-in-law that (she) had prayed for," his mother is at a loss for words.

Just when I think that I am free of any feelings for him, something like this happens and I'm sucked right back into that dark hole again. Right on the heels surving the "dusting of 2014" where I was on the verge of a breakdown. This has been an emotinal week.

I had already known a few weeks ago that he had changed his profile picture to one of him and her together. A friend sent it to me. It was taken sometime obviously in the past, based on the shirt he was wearing: his Auburn jersey. When he left our house to watch the Iron Bowl game, he had remarked how it barely fit anymore, but was his "lucky shirt."  I guess it should have been his "get lucky" shirt instead.  That is the shirt he is wearing in the picture. And all of his family saw this picture of him and her, sticking their tonges out, I can only assume, at me.

Darling Hubby's High School Girlfriend posted a comment on my brother's page. He had commented about finally getting off  from a 56 hour shift with the local police department. Though much younger than me,  I had known her as the daughter of a customer that frequented the store that I had worked for in high school.  Small town life, gotta love it. I decided to reach out to her as well.

Her story was pretty much the same as the other I heard and my own. He was a con man from as early as 15 or 16. He would break up with her for a few weeks, have his fun, then come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. She took him back many times. He was a smooth talker, and could easily manipulate her.  She thought this was "true love." He could convince her that an idea was hers, all the while getting his way.  He too would always ask  her for money, or make her pay when they went out. My thoughts went back to paying his attorney. Was the mistress dealing with that pressure now? He was lazy, only doing the barest minimum to get by. And he'd always insist on driving her car. I thought about the entire year before we were married when I let him drive one of my two Mustangs, because his car had "died."

I was told that she cheated on him when he was in Army basic training and only learned of it when he arrived home, before heading out to tech school. I was certain that I was hearing another verse of the same sad song. I was expecting to hear that she had remained faithful, while he actually cheated on her, but was surprised to learn that her story was different. 

"That part was true," she replied, "but it took that separation to realize what a real, loving, relationship was. I had a friend who knew we were dating, but had been someone to listen. He worked two jobs, and he would pay for everything every time we went out. The polar opposite of D/H. By the time he came home from basic, I was free of his spell." Though she did admit that he had been her first true love and that hurting him had been one of her biggest regrets.

She told me that she had been happy when they made contact again, a few years into our marriage. He told her that he had "found the love of a lifetime,"  a woman who was "everything he wanted and more." She was pleased to learn that this woman had been me.

She said that she had contacted him a few months ago. They discussed that one of her coworkers was friends with one of his brothers. Given that she lives two hours North of our hometown, she thought that was an amazing coincidence.  She said when she asked about us,  he had said that things were "rocky." Of course I told her that this revelation surprised me too. "He was telling everyone that he was unhappy, but the one person who could change that for him, " I had replied, "me." She had wondered if he was looking for an opening for her advice and had ignored him.

I told her not to worry, that our friends had steadily been telling him the whole time that he was messing up a really good thing.  That he had it made: beautiful, devoted wife, with a career, a nice home (albeit not the cleanest), a nice vehicle that was paid for, a comfortable life with all the trimmings. Everything a man could want, and they had all been jealous of him for that. Nothing that she said would have made a difference.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering if I need to be on an episode of "Who The (Bleep) Did I Marry?" to save some other poor soul from suffering at the hands of this con man.

Just this past weekend, I ran into a friend whom I had shared the one picture I was able to snag from the mistress's Facebook page before she blocked me.  I had sent that picture to several friends to be exact. Everyone was shocked. Little did I realize, that this particular friend worked for someone in D/H's family. She told me about the reaction of the family members in the office when she showed them the mistress's photo.
It was not pleasant.

I feel sorry for his mistress.  It's hard enough just being the mistress, with everyone knowing that you broke up his family, that you thought so little of yourself that you would stoop to taking someone else's husband rather than finding your own.  I've been told by his close family already, that she will not be welcomed, and they will view her with suspicion and distrust.  I will be a tough act to follow. 

I feel sorry for his parents, finding out that the boy they raised, grew up to be a man they would not want to know.

And I feel sorry for the next woman he cons when the "new" wears off this relationship.

But most of all, I feel sorry for me, for being so blind and stupid.


1 comment:

Deanna P said...

Ok this post made me laugh in a sad way. I am sorry any family would be going through this but his relationship status is classic.