Thursday, February 21, 2013

Dump the Bump

Fergie is tweeting about hers
Photogs around the world are clammoring for a pic for Princess Katherine's
Kourtney K wants "privacy" but still posted pics of hers

Yep....I'm talking about the almighty baby bump.

I may lose friends and readers over this next statement: I'm getting really tired of people and their stupid "baby bump."

I know, I know....I'm being petty and jealous. My infertility issues are well documented here.

My green eyed monster rears it's head more and more the older I get.

 I don't want to see the pictures of someone holding their hands around it  and grinning like an idiot in attempt to make it more obvious, or those gross, bare belly shots that are becoming so popular lately, and I sure has hell don't want to see a naked one, even if it is a celebrity!

Remember the good ol' days when you didn't talk about someone being pregnant? In my life time you couldn't even say the word "pregnant" on t.v. Women were let go from their jobs to take care of the more important job of mothering. It was a private, natural affair, not the multi-media spectacle it is today.

And where the hell did MODESTY go?

Remember when pregnant women used to wear actual maternity clothes? They were  modest and charming and covered all but the most appropriate amounts of naked flesh. I remember being extremely embarrased to be seen in public fully clothed. The thought of showing off my misshappen, discolored belly (that a tiny foot protruded from about 10 times a day for me to rub) was extremely embarassing and  nauseating to me.

 When Jada Pinkett Smith went to some award show "big pregnant" (my term for 5+ months and showing) with Willow in a tube top and an unzipped skirt, suddenly women everywhere thought it was okay to do it too.

GROSS...NO ONE wants to see THAT!

Women no longer wanted to cover  up or even wear clothes that fit! In an average week, I see at least one unfortunate soul a week, slouching around Walmart (yes IN PUBLIC) with her belly hanging out from under a  tee-shirt hem, that doesn't meet her pants.  Must not have any mirrors in her home.  Some don't even bother to get maternity clothes and make do with whatever they have lying around. A former coworker surmised that there was no need to wear actual maternity clothes when  her "husband's clothes fit just fine."  She actually made calls on clients wearing her husband's shirts, ties and pants (yes pants) for the duration of her pregnancy! Very professional looking, I assure you.

Also, now everyone must have a "pregnancy photo."  Now,  I would have loved to have a professional photo of me, big pregnant, in a flowing white nightgown, staring off into the distance. Those are so beautiful and tateful.  But now there seems to be a disturbing "I'm pregnant, I think I'm beautiful and I'm not ashamed to bare it all so the rest of you can be sickened too" photo trend.  I blame Demi Moore.

There exists only ONE PHOTO and it was because my ex wanted to show how my once cute, slit of a belly button had become a swollen, painful bulls-eye in the middle of my stomach, riddled with stretch marks. Far from the photo spreads of the bare-bellied mother smiling whistfully down at the husband/boyfriend lovingly kissing what is surely a stage prop, as no one's pregnant belly is naturally that "pretty." Thank God for photoshop!!

Yeah, pregnancy CAN be beautiful, but usually, it's not.

~En-JOY my opinion.  Save the comments for yourself.

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