Monday, August 19, 2013

Club Fashion: Redneck Style

Darling Hubby and I , along with a couple of his buddies went out to a local bar Saturday night to see a favorite cover band called DV8. These guys really know how to rock the house.  
They play hard rock/classic rock/alternative rock, so it's kinda hard to dance to. And it's very LOUD. I usually stuff napkins down in my ears to save my hearing. Hey, I made it out of the 80's with my hearing intact, suprisingly, so don't knock it until you've tried it.
(Several people I went to high school frequent there and let me say, this post does not apply to any of them. )
As I sat there, I started noticing some disturbing fashion trends in the women that frequent this establishment.
I thought I'd take a moment to discuss them here:
 1) If your boobs (or anything else for that matter) is no longer where they used to be, please DO NOT (a) go braless or (b) go strapless. I swear one lady's boobs migrated to under her arms while she was dancing.  Real. Damn. Sexy.
There is a great shop over at the Summit called The Fitting Touch. They sell great bras for girls of all sizes. They support them and lift them back up where they belong, but they don't work if you don't wear them.  Google it then make a visit. Its well worth the money!
2) If you have to ask your friend " does this tube top/mini skirt/ backless shirt/ booty shorts /etc...make me look fat?" it usually does and you already know that it does. You dont need to be wearing it.  Period
3) If you are 40 and over, do not raid your teenaged daughter's closet for an outfit. Ever. I knowthat you think it's sexy, but you would be wrong. You will not be pulling anything over on anyone. I had more compliments thank you and I was wearing a tshirt and jeans. I had two folks tell me that they just don't meet any "classy women like you (i.e. me!) anymore."  Oh. And you look rrreeeeaaaaalllllyyyy stupid.
4) If you bleach your hair to the point it is falling out, it does not "look pretty " no matter what you do to it. That should be self explainatory.
5) If you can't handle dancing in heels, DO NOT wear them. Why? Because this will cause you to take them off and run around, in a public forum, barefooted. My "Lady McBeth" OCD-self  does not need to  find you washing your nasty, bare feet in the sink in the bathroom.  Ladies put their hands in there! Wearing heels is a skill. I learned how to wear mine 8 hours at a time. Nowd I can actually lift and carry heavy objects while wearing them.
7) Know how to hold your liquor. If you cant, please stay home. Even if it's your birthday and all your friends want to get you drunk and keep buying you free drinks. I'd rather you not vomit on my heels.
I just wanted to run up and grab the lady in the spandes tubetop and booty shorts, and tell her that her outfit should have stayed back in the disco era ,back when it probably looked hot on her, but it was now time to retire it.
Trust me. Next time you go out
Step Away from that mini skirt

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