Sunday, December 27, 2015

My Independence Day

Today is the two year anniversary of the day my life changed. I consider it my own independence day.

I admit that when I first learned that my husband was cheating on me, I fell apart. This was the man who swore before God, our family, and friends,  to love, honor, and cherish me and then he broke all of those promises.  As I learned more and more about him, the drinking, the constant lying, gambling, the stealing, and the never-ending affairs, I was so humiliated,  I felt like I would die.

But here I am on the other side of this two years and I lived to tell about it. I am stronger, smarter, and I realize that I am worthy of real love.  Life could not be better!

For the first time in a really long time, I am truly happy. I have reconnected with old friends. I am getting to go places and do things that I would not have gotten to do otherwise.

 I finally got to take Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. I have a lovely little nest egg and live very economically. All of my utilities are paid up, for nearly 4 months in advance. I bet they wonder who has moved into my house. When I need something, I can buy it. I had been more than willing to be part of the struggle to build a family. Now I no longer have to struggle.  This year I was not only able to give my kids one pretty decent Christmas present, I also helped 4 people on the Christmas "angel" tree: three teens in Bulgaria and a local elderly resident. Blessings abound!

When I buy something to eat, it is still here when I get home. If I buy the ingredients for a meal, rest assured that there is no mad dash to the grocery store to replace something that someone ate because they were bored. I no longer have to skip lunch because someone needed lunch/gas money. If I don't want to eat dinner, I don't. If I want surf and turf at the local steakhouse, I go get it. And I usually do that on Wednesdays.

The house stays clean for weeks. I am finally getting decent furniture. When I put something down, it stays right where I left it. Nothing goes "missing" anymore. If I want to, I can rearrange the furniture without sparking an argument. I planted the flowering pear tree in the front yard. I replaced the roof.

I have found a wonderful church family, who appreciated my gifts, I am back in the Word of God and learning more than ever before. I am making many new friends. I get to do the things that I want to do, when I want to do them. "Why Not?" has become my new motto.

What about my "love life?" I have met  men who know to open doors without being reminded and willingly pay for dinner. Who ask about my day, and are truly interested. Who don't constantly belittle me around others. Who seem proud to have me on their arm. I date when I want to, but strangely, I kinda prefer to be alone. Like "Justin Matese" says in Hope Floats, "being alone ain't for sissies."

I know now that all relationships are work, and one must be willing to do the work to keep them going. Oh sure, they usually sail along, problem free the first few years, but eventually, issues arise that require compromise or down right hard labor. I know that I can do the work, but right now, I:m enjoying the ride.   Life is no longer a never ending series of  struggles or stalemates. No one to answer to. No one trying to incite an argument. No one to start fights moments before going to gatherings of family or friends so that we both show up grumpy and distant. No one else's bad behavior to apologize for.  I never realized that life could be free of drama.

Actually, I was surprised how easy it is to live drama free. How easy happiness is when one looks for it in themselves first. I have learned to enjoy my own company .I no longer expect someone else to "make me happy."  Any one who comes into my life now will do so because I want them there, not because I need something from them.

Best of all, I am finally getting the life I am worthy of having. I am finally seeing the benefit of all my hard work. The light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

To quote a famous song, "Like Frankie says I did it my way.." That's what it boils down to: doing it my way.


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