Saturday, December 27, 2014

Happy Anniversary To Me!!

Today is my one year anniversary.

A year ago my life changed forever, The family that I had grown to love and support was suddenly ripped from my life, without warning, without any consultation or consideration. All because my husband wasn't satisfied being faithful.  He broke his very first promise to me, and he had lied to me for our entire relationship.

In this year I have learned quite a bit about the man I had married and the person that he became. The ways that he betrayed my trust,betrayed my love.  The lies he developed and cultivated to help cover his tracks. Lies he told his friends, our family, out children.  The women, some of them my "friends" who he duped into sleeping with him with his stories about me. The fights he picked, the arguments that he started so that I would not mind when he left. The stories he told to gain sympathy, meanwhile draining my bank account.  The drinking and the gambling.  The methods he would use to alienate our friends until they were out of our lives.  The lies he would tell so I wouldn't want to speak to them again. The lies he told the children so they would want to turn against me, the only mother they ever really knew. The things he did when he was cheating on my, like deleting his Facebook, suddenly starting the gym, being called away on "projects," watching football games with guys he had not spoken to in months. I learned that very little of what he told me over the years was actually the truth.

I learned a lot about myself. I came out the other side stronger and smarter.  I learned that  I only need to buy food that I like to eat and for that I am much thinner and healthier. I learned that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone. I learned that I like being alone. I learned that I have some very good friends who care about me. I learned that the children still love me because I cared enough to raise them properly.  I learned to have fun again. And probably most important, I learned that I make enough money to make it on my own.

I learned that I can do things for myself: I learned to cook. I learned to cut my own grass  I learned that I can travel by myself and be okay. I learned to do without television, channeling my energies into more productive pursuits.  I learned to do things by myself, like eating out,  or going to the movies. I learned that I do not have to settle for anything.  I learned to see the charlatans early on. I learned that their slick talk and sweet words were just a ploy to reign me in, just as D/H had done all those years ago. I see them coming now and learn to decipher their lies quickly.  I ask questions. They appreciate me, or I see that they walk.  I won't be a sucker again.

I relished the things that I thought I had lost, like friends that have bailed over the years because they couldn't handle D/H's bullshit.  I have lost things that once I had relished, like my beloved Zipper.

Most of all, I found the Lord again. I found a faith-family that welcomed me in and I am learning God's Word again.  I am back on the path to learning what He has in store for me.

Happy Anniversary Baby
Oh yeah, that's me.

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