Friday, October 22, 2010

Open Letter to My Children.

This is not what I had intended on posting today, but given some discussions I've been involved in the last few days, I just could not ignore this topic.

There has been a great deal in the news about bullies and the senseless suicides that have followed. Most recent is the story of a New Jersey college student who lept to his death after a video of an intimate moment with another student was brought to light.

Miss Sally, my third grade teacher, who I have had the good fortune to be in contact with again, thanks to Facebook, posted this blog link today and after reading it, I felt compelled to share it.

The writer is a Vicky Bell and the post is entitled " Letter To My Daughter (in the wake of senseless tradgedy)"

Powerful stuff

That has prompted me to share my own thoughts to my children:

They need to be secure in themselves to be better equipped to handle the cold, cruel world.

I do think that children need to learn that real life is not "upward." It's not fair or even and you have to work for the things you have and people will walk all over you if you let them. Mommy and Daddy are there when you are a child, not to remove all the stumbling blocks, but to make sure you learn how to get up and dust yourself off after you fall.

You know I spent time in therapy after my abusive first marriage (talk about bully!) My therapist told me that bullies have an unquenchable desire to feel better about themselves and will pick on those that either they view as weaker (to show superiority) or possess something they are jealous of (in an attempt to bring the victim down to their level.) It is usually as a result of being bullied as well (apparently it all trickles down for the same reasons).

Focusing on knowing I'm the best "me" I can be;

Knowing you can't have winning without losing, but being last still means you tried;

Knowing that when people "talk smack" about me, it's because they are secretly jealous of something I posses that they want for themselves, or they want to feel better about themselves by trying to tear me down;

Being happy for the things that I have rather than pining for things I don't have is a lot less stressful;

Someone will always be smarter, richer, prettier, thinner, blonder, tanner, fitter, etc...than me, and they could still have the most crappy life imaginable.

People will talk about you, regardless of what you do. So why waste your energy? The harder you fight, the more they will talk. When YOU know the truth, that is all that matters. Live to the contrary of what is said, and other will see the truth too. When they see they can't shake you, it will stop.

I hope that I've equipped you to stand on your own two feet out in the real world.

To be stronger.

Stronger that the peers that expect you to prey on the weak. Stronger than those who feel suicide is the answer

No comments: